Reflection on the trauma post…
A short piece of creative non-fiction that i penned was published in the Winter 2021 issue of Sky Island Journal. If you click this link and scroll almost halfway down the page, you will find my essay entitled My Thirteen Year Old View. In it i write about a moment in my life that is deeply personal.
What made me decide to share this story with the world (or more realistically whomever stumbles upon it) was something in me that wanted to submit to a healing process long overdue. Throughout my life, i’ve worked on letting go of, embracing and healing through many things. But there are a few issues that i’ve tucked away pretty deep. And when something or someone triggered the memories or elicited a reaction that was rooted in those traumatic experiences, i would quickly bury them. When mentors, elders and others close to me would probe, i would shift the conversation and feel embarrassed inside. Given my initiations into traditional African spiritual traditions of Akom and Ifa, as well as the Japanese tradition of Reiki, i should have worked through all of this old stuff…right? At least that was what i told myself. But the reality is the spiritual work with myself and with others created the conditions for me to finally let go. And to finally put words to a tough moment in my life (in this case, and moments (plural) in other cases) and recognize that at the center was a young girl attempting to navigate challenging circumstances. Nothing more, nothing less.
The last blog post spoke to trauma that shows up in movements. I can point to some of the insecurities and mistakes i made in movement spaces that were directly connected with the feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy that emerged from the rejection and sexual abuse i experienced as a child. Ceremony, ritual and writing were practices that broke the cycles i was swirling within. Being in conversation with my ancestors and spirit guides helped. And, of course, working on this book (Re-Membering Purpose). But the reality is that life will bring stuff up, especially when i think i’ve worked all the things out. My salvation lay in knowing this, not having judgment about it and doing the very best with what i have.
Please share your thoughts in the comments below.